One in a Million

Last night I got to attend the last preseason game at home for the Bruins. I decided that being the amazing daughter I am{joking sort of}, I'd take my dad and mom. I never get to spend alone time with them so I was very excited. Thanks to my lovely friend who is a Bruins player I got to take them last minute. I think my dad has a new love for the Bruins and #19 has a new fan. Since I was a little girl my dad has always made sure I was a true Bruins fan. He took me to games from when I was a year old until I was about 5 or 6. Then my sister came along so there was no more princess time for me. But I remained a fan and I thought I would pay the favor back to my dad. We had so much fun going out to dinner in the North End before and I'm really happy I brought my parents. With such a hectic in and out, here and there lifestyle I forgot how nice it was to have just family time.

"The only thing permanent in life is family."

Yes, I Know

-What defines you?

My writing defines me. I am passionate in everything I say. Im imperfect and chaotic.

-What do you stand for?

I stand for feminism and being a single girl. I stand for the importance of finding oneself. I stand for making a change

-Who matters most to you?

My family, my dog, and my three best friends

-Are you confident?

Yes, in every aspect. It took a while but I am finally 100% confident in everything, mentally physically and emotionally

-Are you a follower or do you walk to your own beat?

I used to be the person that would do whatever made others happy, but since I have found a change in my life I have become an individual. I do whatever makes me happy, sure I look up to people and value others opinions but I am definitely different and I LOVE it.

-What can you do to make a difference?

I can share with others my experience in hopes that they take a lesson out of it. I want to be a role model to young girls. I want to show that if you put your mind to something, you can achieve it.

-What is the point in being sad, when you know very well you can put just as much effort into being happy.

There is no point. I have so many things to be happy about that the sad things should only be a little increment towards my life. I used to be a miserable person, I never knew why people wanted to be around me. Once I realized I could take a step back and choose to be happy I began to change.

- Who are YOU?

I am Danielle Meuse. I am writer. I am a daughter and a sister. I am driven and a strong individual. I will make a difference one day. I have a 'big dream' and work at it every day. I hate the person I used to be and it took me a year of searching and mistake making but I finally have made permanent changes. I am a completely different girl I was a year ago.

-What gives you any right to judge others?

I have no right, therefore I try everyday not to. Give everyone and everything a chance :) Everyone has a story as to why they are the way they are.

Thank you for those who emailed me your answers and for Elle who posted hers. My purpose of this was to have you as the reader really take a better look at the important questions. I did this same "questionnaire" a year ago and my answers were completely different. They were socially acceptable and had a sense of anger hidden in between the lines. I think to answer these questions every now and then is a good thing. You get to see where things have changed and what has remained the same. Being honest is the first step.

But Do You Really Know?

There are those uncomfortable questions, the ones we think are so simple at the time but when you look at them, dissect each and every part they become all too complex for our comfort.

-What defines you?

-What do you stand for?

-Who matters most to you?

-Are you confident?

-Are you a follower or do you walk to your own beat?

-What can you do to make a difference?

-What is the point in being sad, when you know very well you can put just as much effort into being happy.

- Who are YOU?

-What gives you any right to judge others?

Sit and read these questions. Take a piece of paper and answer them. Don't think before you answer, just answer. If you're comfortable to tell me, what were your answers? Were your answers honest, or did you write what you thought would be accepted.

I'll give my answers on Wednesday.

'That' Song

We all have those songs that just really make an impact on us. Maybe it's the instruments, maybe it's the tone, or in my case it is the lyrics. I have a countless list of songs that I love but when I heard " I Was Here" by Lady Antebellum I felt like it was my song, it sent chills down my back. It describes how I have been trying to live my life for this past year. You get one life and I refuse to go out with never making a difference. I want to get everything out of life and never live in regret again. I want to thank you all for following this "journey" with me. It's been a long road, I have really changed a lot in the course of a year. I can honestly say though that I have never been happier in my life and I am excited for whats to come. I hope you all have a fabulous weekend!

Music Video watch "I Was Here"

Kate Spade

So I have been on a mission to get the perfect wallet. I have been searching everywhere you can think of. I was tempted to buy a Louis Vuitton wallet here {azure canvas} to match the bag I wanted. Then I thought since I do have a million coach bags I should just get one that would match all my bags, because that would be the sensible and financially smart thing right?. But when I saw that big bow, I fell in love. I usually don't go for Kate Spade accessories, rather her clothes, but this wallet was a classic. I bought it with no question. But what I discovered and love about Kate Spade is her cute little quotes in her merchandise. We all know I am a sucker for quotes and bows so I really just could no help myself.

"She's quick and curious and playful and strong. She is a voracious reader and a fantastic dancer. She saves old scrapbooks and loses her umbrella. Her emails pile up but she never forgets to call her grandmother. She has $7 dollars in change at the bottom of her handbag"

I am loving her new colors and style for this fall! How about you?

Playing Model

So this past weekend I got to "play model". I had so much fun doing this photoshoot. What I love about Leandro is I get to put my artistic insight in the pictures too. I definitely have a distinct look and modeling/taking these pictures shows it. So I thought I would share with all my lovely bloggers!

makeup and hair done by me

photography by leandro coelho

My Morning Playlist

I think it's extremely important to have a positive morning to have a good day. I absolutely hate waking up tired having a hectic morning, it just makes for a bad day. So heres my morning playlist.

- Up Up and Away, Kid Cudi

- Life of A Superstar, Akon ft David Guetta

- It Happens, Sugarland

- Rock 'N' Roll, Eric Hutchinson

- The World Should Revolve Around Me, Little Jackie

-Wagon Wheel, Old Crow Medicine Show

- Amazing, Josh Kelley

-Bright Lights, Matchbox 20

-Galway Girl, Mundy

- Don't Think I Can't Love You, Jake Owens

- American Honey, Lady Antebellum

-Dog Days Are Over, Florence and the Machine

-Perfect Day, Lady Antebellum

-Home is Where the Heart Is, Lady Antebellum

hope you enjoy!

A Confident Girl is a Happy Girl

"I couldn't help but wonder... inside every confident, driven, single woman, is there a delicate, fragile princess just waiting to be saved?" Confidence- Every girl wants it, strives for it, and deserves it. There are things that constantly get in the way and overshadow our ability to achieve this confidence though; men. I am speaking for myself in this... for so long I would do anything and everything to please a guy just so I could feel something. I thought that this "something" would get me confidence, but it only caused self doubt and horrible self esteem. In the end they didn't want me and I put all blame on myself. I never thought once that maybe it was them and perhaps they weren't worthy of me. flash forward to now... I am an extremely confident girl. I know what I want and I refuse to settle. I also don't give up on something if I believe that it's a good thing. I realized through all my soul searching that I deserve something beautiful, I deserve confidence. No one, male or female will ever take that from me again. People are constantly asking me what happened to make me so happy now. Immediately they assume I have found a boyfriend. NOPE! I am happily single and what I found was confidence. It took a lot for me to find it, but now that I do I am never letting it go. I found confidence through being an individual. I do my own thing. People may not agree or find it odd, but I love what I do because it does make me smile. Confidence can take people a long way and I believe after this past month and all of it's progress I will achieve my "big dream". I saved myself, I didn't need that prince charming anymore. I didn't need that fairy tale happy ending anymore. I finally was growing up.

It's Better to be Absolutely Ridiculous...

Life would be pretty boring if you lived it on the safe side. As I grow up I keep learning valuable life lessons. When I was lost for a little while, I ended up losing my gregarious personality. I loved being social and meeting new people. I could strike a conversation with a stranger and it'd be as if we knew each other forever. I have that back now and it's a great feeling. I truly believe unless you are outgoing and a go getter, you won't get anywhere. Last night I was at the Bruins Rookie game and I was determined to meet the players. I sat outside the gate and waited (anxiously) for Tyler Seguin. When I saw him walking out I made sure he'd notice me. It was a dream come true to meet him and when I said that he laughed and said "how old are you?" I told him 20 and he said " But I'm only 18" I told him I didn't really care at all, it actually made him that much better because at such a young age he is really achieving all his dreams. He hugged me and said "thanks!" But I realized if I wasn't outgoing and had integrity, I would never get noticed. I want to make a difference and I want to be successful in a competitive field of work. I won't get anywhere by just sitting here and crossing my fingers, finding every four leaf clover and making a wish at every 10:17 and 11:11. I need to put myself out there, look foolish a little once in a while, but show my dedication and love for what I do.

You're Scared To Find Out That You're Alone

I woke up in fear that maybe I will never find someone. But I quickly reminded myself that I am only 20 years old and I really haven't been single that long to be worrying about this. But at this point every guy has been the same and just when I think they are sincere I am proved wrong. Is every guy like this? Only wanting the physical and not the emotional? I literally am in fear of this and I don't really understand why. Maybe it has to do with my father not being involved in my life for 15 years, or maybe it is the past relationships and the boys I keep running into now. But I know there is a void that majority of the time I want to fill. My dad came back in my life right when my boyfriend {now ex} left it. So I thought maybe I'll be okay because that figure was back in my life. But I keep finding myself missing that one person. On the other side of things I know that I am no where near ready for a relationship, not a serious one at least. School has become my first priority and I am fully aware that the career I am pursuing will take over my life for a long time. I will eat breathe and sleep sports news broadcasting until I get to where I want to be and that will never change. And I know deep down that there are good guys out there. Two of my closest guy friends are amazing people. They are caring and actually do care about more than one thing at this young age. Dereck and Herbie do show me that when I am convinced I will never ever find a nice guy, that I am wrong and they are out there somewhere..hiding.

I had a customer that was so intrigued with my future plans and asked me who the lucky guy is? I told him I havent found him yet but I am pretty young so I don't think I will for quite some time. He said that was the answer he was hoping to hear because putting a boy in my life is putting a limit on my dreams. Sadly, he is correct.

Misguided ghosts

He really did damage this time. I thought I found something over two years ago, someone I could finally stand still with. I know the way I felt about him can never be compared to, it was just entirely different from anything else. But it was all a mind game for two years. How does someone rise from that? I have no faith, trust, or security with a boy because of him. But people are always telling me that this is life and I need to just move on from it. But everything he said to me was a lie, so how do I even give another guy a chance? I find myself questioning everything anyone does now, all because of his mind games. The one person I trusted pushed me far away and I'm petrified I'll never make it back. I just keep going in circles. I get scared, I try and push the past mind games aside, I let them in the tiniest bit and then I run because I find no trust or good in the situation, all because of one person.

Because I Care

Boston is my favorite city. I love the people, the streets and the way you only have to turn a corner and it can be a totally different world. Yesterday I went into the city because I was walking for the MSPCA. My team alone raised 1500 dollars and I was pretty impressed. The amount of people that came out and supported this cause was incredible. They had so many information tables, and all proceeds went straight to the Angell memorial. The Jimmy Fund was also going on yesterday and I decided I'd walk the MSPCA but donate $200.00 to the Jimmy Fund. When I walked by to see how the turn out I was beside myself with happiness. They raised 6.5 million dollars this year. To be apart of all these great causes yesterday really was empowering. Sitting at lunch with my best friend and our dogs, everyone just seemed so happy and friendly. Maybe it was the weather, maybe it was coincidence, but I really think it was just the contagious energy that everyone felt. Perfect day all around and I was proud to be apart of it. It's these kind of days that really motivate me to remain positive and concentrate on my goals and plans Volunteering is honestly one of my favorite things to do.

My mom and I one morning were getting coffee and having a little intervention. She said something that really stuck... " You have one of the biggest hearts I know, you love and care for everyone and everything.. but you need to give it all to the things and people that deserve it and I think that volunteering for kids and animals is where your heart is" My mom was right, I do love to love and I needed to direct all that on things that actually deserve it, not boys or friends that clearly don't want to put in effort.

Realize

People always say how they wish they knew back then what they know now. Sometimes people can also wish they realized what they had before it was gone. I realized what I could have had, but he needed to realize it too. Turns out it was all just wishful thinking. I stuck around because I genuinely liked him. I thought that maybe this would be worth it. Some days it seemed like it was too perfect to be true, that's because it was. I saw the cracks and the imperfections every now and then, but like I said before... I really like him so I didn't want to base it on just that. But here I am again running because thats all I know. I am all too familiar with the goodbye scene and the running away. The minute I realized that I actually truly cared for him and it didn't really seem to effect him; I ran. I still can see the potential we had. We had so much in common, we got along great when we would hang out and he always could make me smile and laugh. It was a good feeling, one I hadn't felt in a long time; but I still decided to run. All I've ever wanted was someone to stand still with, to have something that just came naturally.

I'm still left with the question though...will he ever realize?

American Soldier

I wanted to take today to write about American Soldiers and one in particular. Today has become a day of remembrance for the United States of our patriotism and our strength. We experienced a tragedy nine years ago that would forever change our lives. There is not one person who cannot tell you what they were doing the day the planes crashed into the Twin Towers.

I was in my sixth grade class, Mrs McMorrow. We were in reading class and she left the room for a moment. When she came back she was crying. Most of us didn't think much of it because she was a little too emotional for her own good. School went on as usual. I get into my usual carpool for soccer practice and I get a phone call from my mom. "Danielle a terrorist attack has happened in NewYork and I would really like it if you just come home for today." "Mom what are you talking about, what is a terrorist and how did they attack us??" I was only 11 years old, I had no idea what was going on. The only thing that came to my mind was war and that my cousin Kenny was in the Army. I may have been young but I was not naive. I knew what was to come next. My cousin was going to Iraq and my life, just like everyone else's' would forever be changed.

The United States may be absolute morons sometimes, but how we all came together after that day was incredible. It showed that in the end we do still stand for what we believe in, freedom and union. Every car had flags, everyone had a shirt with the firemen putting up the american flag, whom probably at the time didn't even realize what their actions would stand for. They were just putting the flag up on instinct.

I have always had one absolute hero in my life. I am extremely close with my entire family, but this man has always been different to me. I never wanted to be with anyone except my cousin Kenny. He is the big brother I never had. I will always be his little one and he will forever be my rock. Even when he wasn't a United States hero, he was still mine. Teachers always have you write who your hero is when you're younger, I chose Kenny every time. I just think he is an amazing individual. He is my protector and he was America's too. I feel bad for the guy I end up marrying because it isn't my dad he has to worry about, it's Kenny.

Finding out that Kenny was being deployed to Iraq immediately after 9/11 happened was one of the scariest and depressing feelings I have ever experienced. My hero, the one person I knew would be there for me no matter what was going away and may not come back. He proved time and time again that he is a hero and I could never thank him enough for going to Iraq and protecting not only me but everyone. We all have a hero out there and mine truly showed he is worthy of his title. He came back safe and sound, but never quite the same. He married his high school sweetheart and has a beautiful baby girl, and one on the way.

American Soldiers don't do this for the hype or for the publicity, they do it because it's their belief. They stand ready to protect us and today we really need to stop and think while we worry about our "problems" they are putting their lives on the line so we can sleep peacefully at night. Thank you to my cousin Kenny and to my best friend Rachel for serving us, you are my hero's. It takes a special and certain kind of person to be able to be a soldier.

Never forgotten 9/11/01

American Soldier by Toby Keith

Letting Go

Letting go... It was one of the most difficult things I had to do. Let go of the life I once knew, let go of the memories, let go of my love for him. For so long he was my entire world and I made it that way. Everything I did, he was involved in some shape or form. He on the other hand got lucky. He went back to a place where only a few things reminded him of me, but there was plenty of space and people to make an entire new life for himself without a thought of me in it. I'm still stuck in the town we grew up in, our houses are only 7 minutes away from each other and my name is still attached to his. For a while I resented everything and wanted to escape and I thought moving to another state was the only solution. Well I am too afraid to be without my family so I never followed through with that. I stayed in the same town, dealt with his existence and the struggles of moving on from my first love. Its been over a year now and I can finally say that I have moved on. This happened a few months ago but I needed to see if how I felt still exists when we would hang out and when he left for school, and it has. Letting go of what was, truly is a therapy all on it's own. I accepted what he will always be to me, that yes he is and will always be that sensitive subject and someone I will always defend no matter what he has done and that we are over; for good. I don't mind that we are over... I never really did because I found out who I was without him and I liked that self a lot better. I saw what else was out there, stupidly fell in love again with a different person and consequently got my heart broken. Swore off all guys in a "serious" light and just did my thing for a while. But now I realize that was all a journey to where I am now. I may love being single, but in the scheme of things, that's not me. I am a hopeless romantic. I memorize 'those' love songs and weep over romantic movies and books. At the same time though, my heart is so damaged that I refuse to let anyone, doesn't matter who you are, no one can get too close where I can be hurt. Now Im not saying that everyone will hurt me, but at first my guard remains up.

Moving on is good for the heart, for the mind and for the soul. You can't be happy or see your highest potentials until you let go. No one can change it or fix it. I let go, he is a happy person and he has potentially found someone who makes him smile. It's a very hard thing, to see someone you once made happy, happy with another person. For so long you were the only one for him and now that has changed. He isn't the type to just give any girl a title. You need to be something extraordinary to him, and I know that when he finds that someone, she will be. But as they say 'love is never fair'. I can't be upset that he has found happiness when Im on this desperate search to find something too. So I let go and hoped for the best.

Right Book First Chapter { I can see it now}

As she was moving through the chapters of her second book she found something, something that exceeded all her expectations and truly made her smile. After everything she has been through shouldn't she at least be open to it? She thought she was, but then that fear of getting hurt sank in. She was convincing herself that there were no good intentions on his end, that this was all a game. Maybe it was the rumors circulating that caused her to run and write him off, but something about him kept her coming right back. Maybe the fact that he was a chase and she liked that, or maybe she actually felt something, even if it was the tiniest bit. She is the type of girl who will stick around for a few months, get bored and just disappear out of his life, and then reappear when she finds it convenient for just her. But this time he wasn't going to let her do that. Slowly he was putting her in her place, telling her how it really is and if she doesn't like it then she can leave, but she never wanted to leave. He was teaching her lessons.

-The more you convince yourself that someone is going to hurt you, you're going to hurt yourself in the end. He'll not want to deal and you'll be stuck alone again on that one way street you found all too familiar.

-Relax. Take things for what they are in that moment in time.

-Who cares what people think or want, they knew what was going on with one another and in the end that was what counted.

He was showing he was sorry and she needed to stop painting this picture of how it should be, because guess what? It wasn't that way and if she didn't like the way it was, then there was the door. She no longer would be cosseted and she needed that.

She took a step in and hoped to god it wasn't a mistake, but she swore she wouldn't dwell on the "what if".

"When it was hard to take this is was I thought about. Do you remember we were sitting there by the water. You put your arm around me for the first time. You made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter. You are the best thing"

See, when I get the strength to leave

You always tell me that you need me

And I'm weak cause I believe you

And I'm mad because I love you

So I stop and think that maybe

You can learn to appreciate me

Then it all remains the same that

You're never gonna change

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We Missed Out On Each Other Now

What was the sense in being sad when I could choose to be happy. I have so much to be thankful for. Just because one tiny thing in my life didn't go according to plan did not give me an excuse to have a pity party. I realized that while I was concentrating on all the bad in my life I was letting the good slip away. I have plenty of people who do care about me. I stopped giving them the attention they deserved because I was trying to fix the unfixable. I'm organized so I love to plan, but life can only have so many "plans" before you drive yourself crazy with hopes of perfection. Stop planning, stop worrying, stop thinking so much..just let it be.

Since this realization I have felt happier. I can actually give myself a second to breathe. The stress..it's still there but thats only because I take on more than I should. For once I'm not worrying about anything or anyone for that matter.

Car Crash

Immature and foolish... that's how I'd describe it. This infinite circle of ....

' I don't trust you'

'You don't care about me'

' You're always contradicting yourself'

' You never mean a word you say'

It took over all the happiness that once was there. They were bound for a crash and it finally hit. True colors were shown, lies were revealed and a friendship was ruined. " I did it only to get back at you", that was all he needed to hear to realize what this really was all about. She cared a lot but he never showed stability in what could have been. He'd say one thing and then do another, only because he knew she was so out of reach. For a while she was his first priority. His first thought every morning and the same when he went to sleep. But through it all she was never true to him either. She held on for her reason and he held onto them for his. In the end though it would never bring them together. It wasn't until recently where it was a constant fight and always over the same things. But he wanted to stay in that car until it crashed because he wanted to feel something, whether the impact was good or bad. But this was a battle and it was their final last call.