Saturday, January 29, 2011

So You Put It Down On Paper

She swore to herself that one day she would make a difference, that she would help someone see through their own eyes what she saw. He came into her life at the most unpredictable time but it was never desultory. She gave him faith and hope that what he was looking at when he saw her blue eyes was true love, lasting love, something for the first time he could not quite explain. He had a wall that everyone quickly determined was infrangible, but against all odds that did not phase her. She broke through the unbreakable, she didn't get bits and pieces of him, he gave her everything. He remained cautious when he gave her his care, but he had finally let someone in. They learned through each other.. one of the things he would take from this relationship was the impact of writing. He would write to her, never had he put a pen to paper for love before. She read his letter with amazement, he was just as gifted as he claimed her to be. Her dream was to fall in love and in return give him the love he had been searching for and deserved. But what she was more content with was that she had passed on her love for writing to the person she loved the most and he found a new side to himself. The difference was made and they became closer and closer through words. No one was getting in between this love, and nothing would be too strong to end it. It was a moment when words and actions became concerted, it was when she realized she had fell in love for the first time and he finally had someone to share his everything with.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

she used to lie awake at night, tormented as she worked on her book, asking herself, “Who do you think you are, trying to write a first novel at your age?” But she wrote it. And she held up her National Book Award

Thursday, January 13, 2011

It'll Speak For Itself

Her dreams were so enormous, but could they perhaps be out of reach? She began to fall into this lapse that  these big dreams she made would remain that way; a reverie. It was admired that she had all these ambitions but were they realistic? Could they happen despite her life circumstances? She had been in this standstill for years now, and every time her hands were right there, able to reach out she would fall once again. There was one person though that forever impacted her life... it wasn't some renowned writer, some man who swept her off her feet, or the greatest friend in the world. The person that impacted her most was 4'3, tiny glasses, wavy brown hair, the cutest little smile that could light up anyones world. Her name is Mackenzie Rose and she changed my life forever. I met her when she was in first grade and she stole my heart forever. The smallest things made her happy and there was never once a complaint from her little mouth. But the thing that I held onto most about her was that she was my biggest fan. I was her everyday hero and she would call me everyday to tell me about her day and could not wait to hear about mine. She loved reading and writing and told me that one day she would be a journalist just like me. The way she compiled a story matched her personality; simply remarkable. 

-- As I had last posted, I had the case of writers block. I have endured this inability to perform before, but nothing quite like this. Then I stumbled upon something that gave me my integrity and passion back. As I finished reading this little letter I began to remember I can do this, my writing will be published one day, I will make it to the highest point in my career and I will change lives.

you know you can do anything so do anything you want to. you are the best girl in the whole world! you are the best, you are the best, you are the best! thank you for everything you do for me.
Love Mackenzie"

just four short sentences but they changed my day and the way I have been thinking for the past few months. I have a little girl who thinks the world of me. To her I am capable of anything and everything. I need to make these dreams come true not only for myself but for Mackenzie too, she has had enough let downs in her life and I refuse to be another.

Friday, January 7, 2011

I have a case of the writers block...

But I did go buy Elizabeth Gilberts new book 'Committed'. And I am working on the ending of my "book". So I guess Im not a complete loss.

"Her enormous capacity for love has all too often been left unmatched and unreturned by the world."

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

The Olive Reader - The Weblog of Harper Perennial

The Olive Reader - The Weblog of Harper Perennial

Reflecting on 2010

The more and more I look back on this past year I realize all the changes and things I had done. I finally figured out where I truly belong one day {Dallas, Texas}. Single finally didn't seem like the end of the world but the start of actually living. I made new and amazing friends that I know I will have for a lifetime. I finally found my style of clothing, I branched out and realized that there were more stores than just Express and Abercrombie. I found new lovers and let go of others. I made my words come alive and started a blog, or two or actually five at one point...but now Always Choose Paris has all of my heart and words. I redecorated my bedroom finally. I got rid of the trashy leopard and hot pink look {so tacky!} and transformed it into a parisian get away. My taste in music has become much more broad. I made lasting family memories in Canada. I went to Nantucket and fell in love with the island, hopefully I will be living there for the summer. I turned 21 and realized more than ever who truly cares about me and those who don't. Theres more to life than just Weymouth Massachusetts. Don't waste energy or your breath of those who have hurt you too many times. I finally became the person I know I was meant to be and did the things that made me happy. If I wanted something, I was more than capable of getting it. My independence is everything to me, I do not need a man or any sort of person to be in control of all my happiness. I played model for a little while to help me break out of my shell. Many lessons have been learned, relationships were lost and gained, dreams had come true, and I finally found the one love I have been searching for, the love for myself. I finally am growing up and realized I am so much better than all of those people who have tried to put me down one way or another. And I found the person I hope one day will ask me to spend the rest of my life with him

playing model

New Friends

spend the rest of my life with
impossible, becoming possible
Dallas stole my heart
the ones who will never leave me
the island of dreams

Falling Apart

Maybe the impossible was just that... impossible. Since she was a little girl she had dreamt of the perfect relationship. Once her innocence had come to terms with reality she finally understood, that glass slipper didn't exist, sorry little one. After all of the struggles and let downs she had faith in just one thing, buried deep down with the rest of her feelings that one day she would find the perfect love, the one who made all those other what she likes to call now, assholes, away.
" If  I am going to endure the same struggles I do now than whats the point? Why bother loving again if I feel like I am back tracking."
"Because it isn't always going to be the way you pictured it, you said he was different from all the rest and he is. Sometimes that difference is the reason why you fell in love and sometimes its going to drive you crazy and you just won't understand what is going through his head or why he just did what he did. But when it comes down to it, he proved he is different from the rest. He did what you have always wanted, make you say good bye to all of your past didn't he?"
" Yes but I have never felt like I was good enough for him, since the beginning...because of the beginning. How could we ever come back from this?"
" That's not in your hands anymore."

So the old saying.. 'take the good with the bad'... exactly how much do we practice this preach? Where do we draw the line to keep our own sanity and dignity? Exactly how far do we let ourselves go and not become overwhelmed with the possibility that maybe this perfection we thought we had was just a falicy. How do we keep ourselved together, hold onto the confidence and security we have left if there is a person present who may destroy it all.