she used to lie awake at night, tormented as she worked on her book, asking herself, “Who do you think you are, trying to write a first novel at your age?” But she wrote it. And she held up her National Book Award

I have a case of the writers block...


But I did go buy Elizabeth Gilberts new book 'Committed'. And I am working on the ending of my "book". So I guess Im not a complete loss.


"Her enormous capacity for love has all too often been left unmatched and unreturned by the world."

Reflecting on 2010

The more and more I look back on this past year I realize all the changes and things I had done. I finally figured out where I truly belong one day {Dallas, Texas}. Single finally didn't seem like the end of the world but the start of actually living. I made new and amazing friends that I know I will have for a lifetime. I finally found my style of clothing, I branched out and realized that there were more stores than just Express and Abercrombie. I found new lovers and let go of others. I made my words come alive and started a blog, or two or actually five at one point...but now Always Choose Paris has all of my heart and words. I redecorated my bedroom finally. I got rid of the trashy leopard and hot pink look {so tacky!} and transformed it into a parisian get away. My taste in music has become much more broad. I made lasting family memories in Canada. I went to Nantucket and fell in love with the island, hopefully I will be living there for the summer. I turned 21 and realized more than ever who truly cares about me and those who don't. Theres more to life than just Weymouth Massachusetts. Don't waste energy or your breath of those who have hurt you too many times. I finally became the person I know I was meant to be and did the things that made me happy. If I wanted something, I was more than capable of getting it. My independence is everything to me, I do not need a man or any sort of person to be in control of all my happiness. I played model for a little while to help me break out of my shell. Many lessons have been learned, relationships were lost and gained, dreams had come true, and I finally found the one love I have been searching for, the love for myself. I finally am growing up and realized I am so much better than all of those people who have tried to put me down one way or another. And I found the person I hope one day will ask me to spend the rest of my life with him

playing model

New Friends

spend the rest of my life with

impossible, becoming possible

Dallas stole my heart

the ones who will never leave me

the island of dreams

Falling Apart

Maybe the impossible was just that... impossible. Since she was a little girl she had dreamt of the perfect relationship. Once her innocence had come to terms with reality she finally understood, that glass slipper didn't exist, sorry little one. After all of the struggles and let downs she had faith in just one thing, buried deep down with the rest of her feelings that one day she would find the perfect love, the one who made all those other what she likes to call now, assholes, away.

" If  I am going to endure the same struggles I do now than whats the point? Why bother loving again if I feel like I am back tracking."

"Because it isn't always going to be the way you pictured it, you said he was different from all the rest and he is. Sometimes that difference is the reason why you fell in love and sometimes its going to drive you crazy and you just won't understand what is going through his head or why he just did what he did. But when it comes down to it, he proved he is different from the rest. He did what you have always wanted, make you say good bye to all of your past didn't he?"

" Yes but I have never felt like I was good enough for him, since the beginning...because of the beginning. How could we ever come back from this?"

" That's not in your hands anymore."

So the old saying.. 'take the good with the bad'... exactly how much do we practice this preach? Where do we draw the line to keep our own sanity and dignity? Exactly how far do we let ourselves go and not become overwhelmed with the possibility that maybe this perfection we thought we had was just a falicy. How do we keep ourselved together, hold onto the confidence and security we have left if there is a person present who may destroy it all.

Who I was, Who I am, Who I'm Not, and Who I Want To Be

I have come across thousands of people who just don't get everything about me. Im aware of my complexity but no one has been able to quite handle, love, and understand everything about me except one person; Andrew.

He understands who I was, knows who I am, who Im not and the person I strive every day to be. To my astonishment he loves,understands and can handle every single part. It is a huge achievement when one self can accomplish this, but it is another thing when you find someone to love the you, you love, it makes the relationship that much stronger. Every single day I see how far I've come and I'm extremely proud of the progress.

Who I was: My own worst enemy, I could not get out of my own way if my life depended on it, unfortunately my reputation and what others thought of me did depend on that though.

Who I am: A girl who would wear her cowboy boots everyday if she could. Drinks way too much coffee for her own bodies good, would be lost if she could not make a "list" for everything she has to do. A girl who finds absolute happiness in writing and expressing herself, whether or not people agree. A girl who has dreams and goals she will one day achieve. An amazing friend and family member to those who have shown they deserve it. Has trust issues but working to fix it slowly. Different and wouldn't have it any other way. A girl trying to pay her way through college hoping to one day make it to Emerson or NYU and make it big.

Who I'm Not: A girl who will continue to reach in her past for answers. Someone who will allow others opinions to effect her life and ambitions. A girl who will back down from her beliefs because someone else has a problem with it

Who I want to be: An amazing wife and mother. A woman who has a series published and created into a motion picture. A sportscaster for the NHL. Traveled everywhere her heart desired. A woman who was able to say "My success is the best revenge" on several occasions. Someone who made a difference while here on earth.

This is the me I love and I finally found someone who is not ashamed of my past, who is proud of my present, and reassuring of my future. I found my biggest fan, my other half and rock.

I'd love to hear what you, the readers would say to these questions 

What Do I Want?

People would ask me what do I want, and the answer was simple; happiness.

I wanted to put all the sadness behind me and find pure happiness. But after searching well over a year for this destination I named 'happiness' I realized it's impossible. Happiness is not a place, it is a feeling. The achievement of over powering of joy and satisfaction led me to believe that happiness was the final outcome of the completion, not the fact that I tried for something and succeeded. I now realize that accomplishing simple goals/tasks and furthering my dreams everyday is my happiness. Sometimes the happiness will come and sometimes it will inevitably go, but that is no excuse to stop trying. When one accepts that happiness is a feeling not a destination, joie de vivre is found.

Borrowed by:Weheartit

Where My Heart Is

Have you ever stepped off a plane or a boat and knew you belonged in this place, that it was meant to be more than just a vacation? The minute I arrived in Dallas, Texas I just knew that my journey for happiness would bring me here in the end. I fell in love with it's entirety. I can't exactly explain how it felt when I was in this lone-star state, but I felt like the missing pieces I lost along my way were filled with a new kind of love. For the first time in a long time I finally felt like myself and any dream I had or any wish I made could all become real. I never thought another city besides Boston could feel like home to me. I left a small town behind when I ventured to Dallas and all those insecurities and miserable thoughts I was consumed with vanished. I was in a place where no one had any idea who I used to be, what I had done, who I had dated...nothing. I had a new beginning there where I could be the person I had been striving to be. Trying to grow outside of your town is hard, especially when your reputation never leaves you despite your positive changes. Every single day I miss Dallas, wishing I could close my eyes, open them and I'd be sitting in Starbucks on Mockingbird Street with my best friend. The feeling of security I have there is irreplaceable, yet I keep trying to accomplish it here in this town. I know I need change, something I can marvel at, something that takes my breathe away... I need Dallas.

Single vs Relationship

Single life was fun and I am happy I finally got to experience it but there is just something about finding your other half. Knowing that they think you're beautiful, makeup and hair done or not. That they love falling asleep next to you. But when you're single you find those other guys that try and say just the right words to charm you and have you in their beds and in your bra and panties within 2 minutes. Then after they are through with you they say they're tired and you can call yourself a cab, number should be on the refrigerator. You get the texts and calls only after it's 10:00 pm and not once do they care to know you as a person. All they care about is how pretty you are, what you look like without clothes on and your abilities in bed. So should we be punished and under appreciated if we are pretty, if we do take care of ourselves , look good without clothes, and we just so happen to know a thing or two when it comes to good sex? That's how I felt while I was single. I felt like NO man had respect for me no matter how I carried myself and apparently my personality wasn't worth knowing. Ah but then there's relationships. That can make girl feel like they are trapped or that they can't do whatever they wanted like they used to. The minute a guy finds out you have a boyfriend you are no longer alive to him pretty much because the obstacle has appeared and they no longer have any use to know more than our name and relationship status... I bet they don't even remember my name. This is why no matter what you can't win with society. Either you go along with the single shenanigans (which would later put you in the "slut" category, if you didn't know girls when we have our needs met its because we have no self respect and we're just a little too easy... didn't you know?!) Or you have a boyfriend who truly makes you happy and respects you, but kiss all other males in your life goodbye because now you are pretty much invisible to them. 

So guys-- explain yourselves please.