So You Put It Down On Paper

She swore to herself that one day she would make a difference, that she would help someone see through their own eyes what she saw. He came into her life at the most unpredictable time but it was never desultory. She gave him faith and hope that what he was looking at when he saw her blue eyes was true love, lasting love, something for the first time he could not quite explain. He had a wall that everyone quickly determined was infrangible, but against all odds that did not phase her. She broke through the unbreakable, she didn't get bits and pieces of him, he gave her everything. He remained cautious when he gave her his care, but he had finally let someone in. They learned through each other.. one of the things he would take from this relationship was the impact of writing. He would write to her, never had he put a pen to paper for love before. She read his letter with amazement, he was just as gifted as he claimed her to be. Her dream was to fall in love and in return give him the love he had been searching for and deserved. But what she was more content with was that she had passed on her love for writing to the person she loved the most and he found a new side to himself. The difference was made and they became closer and closer through words. No one was getting in between this love, and nothing would be too strong to end it. It was a moment when words and actions became concerted, it was when she realized she had fell in love for the first time and he finally had someone to share his everything with.

Reflecting on 2010

The more and more I look back on this past year I realize all the changes and things I had done. I finally figured out where I truly belong one day {Dallas, Texas}. Single finally didn't seem like the end of the world but the start of actually living. I made new and amazing friends that I know I will have for a lifetime. I finally found my style of clothing, I branched out and realized that there were more stores than just Express and Abercrombie. I found new lovers and let go of others. I made my words come alive and started a blog, or two or actually five at one point...but now Always Choose Paris has all of my heart and words. I redecorated my bedroom finally. I got rid of the trashy leopard and hot pink look {so tacky!} and transformed it into a parisian get away. My taste in music has become much more broad. I made lasting family memories in Canada. I went to Nantucket and fell in love with the island, hopefully I will be living there for the summer. I turned 21 and realized more than ever who truly cares about me and those who don't. Theres more to life than just Weymouth Massachusetts. Don't waste energy or your breath of those who have hurt you too many times. I finally became the person I know I was meant to be and did the things that made me happy. If I wanted something, I was more than capable of getting it. My independence is everything to me, I do not need a man or any sort of person to be in control of all my happiness. I played model for a little while to help me break out of my shell. Many lessons have been learned, relationships were lost and gained, dreams had come true, and I finally found the one love I have been searching for, the love for myself. I finally am growing up and realized I am so much better than all of those people who have tried to put me down one way or another. And I found the person I hope one day will ask me to spend the rest of my life with him

playing model

New Friends

spend the rest of my life with

impossible, becoming possible

Dallas stole my heart

the ones who will never leave me

the island of dreams

Confetti falls to the ground

I was so worried all week about what my plans were for new years and what I would wear. Thankfully I figured out both today last minute. I went shopping with my best friend Amanda and we picked out the perfect outfit together. I could not be more pleased with my choice. At first I wanted sequence and lots of it. But when the department lady at Nordstroms told me they were all sold out I realized I would be matching EVERYONE if I chose something with lots of sparkle... so I went for the 'classic look'. I love polka dot tights and ankle boots so I put those pieces together with an adorable and vintage looking dress that only cost me $20.00 at Nordstrom. I added my long string pearl necklace and there you have it, my favorite outfit for an occasion thus far :) Of course Im going with the Carrie Bradshaw curls again and a gold clutch. Tonight was also the perfect night to wear the platinum nail polish I won in tiffany's giveaway I could not ask a better way to spend my New Years. I get to go see a ballet performance in town with my boyfriend and then we are heading to New Hampshire to celebrate with his friends that I am very excited to finally meet. See you all in 2011 loves!

Who I was, Who I am, Who I'm Not, and Who I Want To Be

I have come across thousands of people who just don't get everything about me. Im aware of my complexity but no one has been able to quite handle, love, and understand everything about me except one person; Andrew.

He understands who I was, knows who I am, who Im not and the person I strive every day to be. To my astonishment he loves,understands and can handle every single part. It is a huge achievement when one self can accomplish this, but it is another thing when you find someone to love the you, you love, it makes the relationship that much stronger. Every single day I see how far I've come and I'm extremely proud of the progress.

Who I was: My own worst enemy, I could not get out of my own way if my life depended on it, unfortunately my reputation and what others thought of me did depend on that though.

Who I am: A girl who would wear her cowboy boots everyday if she could. Drinks way too much coffee for her own bodies good, would be lost if she could not make a "list" for everything she has to do. A girl who finds absolute happiness in writing and expressing herself, whether or not people agree. A girl who has dreams and goals she will one day achieve. An amazing friend and family member to those who have shown they deserve it. Has trust issues but working to fix it slowly. Different and wouldn't have it any other way. A girl trying to pay her way through college hoping to one day make it to Emerson or NYU and make it big.

Who I'm Not: A girl who will continue to reach in her past for answers. Someone who will allow others opinions to effect her life and ambitions. A girl who will back down from her beliefs because someone else has a problem with it

Who I want to be: An amazing wife and mother. A woman who has a series published and created into a motion picture. A sportscaster for the NHL. Traveled everywhere her heart desired. A woman who was able to say "My success is the best revenge" on several occasions. Someone who made a difference while here on earth.

This is the me I love and I finally found someone who is not ashamed of my past, who is proud of my present, and reassuring of my future. I found my biggest fan, my other half and rock.

I'd love to hear what you, the readers would say to these questions 

The 'Word'

When I was little I believed that princes were real and one day I would meet mine. When I got into high school I gave that piece of fairytale innocence and my love away. I wish someone would have warned me what I was doing the minute I dropped "I love you" and actually meant it. There should really be this contract that you need to read, not just scan through it...no actually read the entire thing cover to cover and recite the fine print just to make sure you fully understand, and when you do then you can sign and date it and THEN say those powerful words. But I was 14 when I realized I felt those feelings and 15 when I said them. I lucked out though because some people don't get the chance to be each others first loves, but I was his too. Had I known what I was getting myself into I probably would have waited a little bit longer to say them. Without a doubt what I felt was real and I didn't just throw it out there. I took precaution and chose the person wisely. But I was 15 so I thought those words were basic magic that kept people together forever. I wasn't ready to have him take them back... well not exactly take the words and feelings back because I know he still loves me, he tells me all the time... but to lose the person that went along with the word I suppose. That was the part I wasn't ready for and Im 21 now and I'm still not ready for the heart ache. He was my best friend and the only thing I knew for so long, so losing him was a form of torture. It ultimately was because those words scared him and love turned into jealousy and petty fights which has made it almost impossible to fix.

When you give your love away you are changed forever. You are never quite the same you were when you didn't allow those feelings. You put yourself out there, you let a giant wall down hoping to god it doesn't fall straight on you. Your first love never really leaves you... they linger and from time to time you miss them. Let them linger and let yourself miss them, its all part of a process. Eventually it wont be as constant and you'll find a new love that takes you to a whole different place. People dwell on their first loves because we think they are so much different and can never be replaced. Well in a way that is true they are different because they came into your life, allowed you to let down a wall and feel something that makes the world go round, something you had never felt before. Reality is that no one can be replaced, but that doesn't make them this monumental person. I mean my dog cant be replaced by another dog because no two things are the same. (no pun intended to compare a male to a dog) What I am trying to say is that once you give it away you can never go back. Indian giving does not apply to love, you cannot ask for it back. You accept that you gave a little piece of yourself to another individual and it is up to them what they do with it. And don't worry if you give it away and you two don't last forever, theres still so much more you have of yourself to keep and to give.

For a while I was a cynic to love. I had my heart broken, beat up, tossed around; what have you. I only did that because I was in my vulnerable stage, I wasn't as cautious anymore as to whom exactly I was giving it to. Some deserved my love, some did not and the same goes vice versa... I deserved some peoples love and for others I should have been the last person they gave their heart to. But you take it all with compassion and realize one day when you least expect it you'll find that person that deserves your love with every intention of giving it to you in return, and you my friend will never be the same...again.

When I found out that my boyfriend had never had a first love, or told any girl he loved her I was in shock. He has had previous relationships that have lasted quite some time so I figure he knew what I was talking about when I would talk about first loves. Well come to find out he has kept his love and doesn't just throw it around. (that didn't surprise me though because he is very guarded when it comes to girls) I told him he picked the complete opposite to be in a relationship with. I wear my heart on my sleeve, believe in fairytale beginnings and endings, cry at love songs,movies, and stories. I constantly am writing about all kinds of love and he's never had that feeling before?! Ironic to say the least. But there was one thing I swore up and down did not exist, it was utterly impossible-- love at first sight. How could it be possible to not know someone and already have such enormous feelings for them? Well July 17th 2010 that belief of impossible ceased completely. I met my boyfriend and knew the minute I saw him and sat down next to him that he was the one. If I could explain it you know I would but I couldn't then and I can't now. All I know is I didn't know him or his story previously to meeting him. I fell for him entirely on my own with no one else's input. But to know he has found the girl he wants to give his love to for the first time, and that girls me, well I feel pretty special. I guess I finally get to know what forever feels like... so here's my signature 'love', please take care of the two of us. When you know, you just know.

x Danielle Meuse

Enchanted and His Girlfriend

"This is me praying that this was the very first page, not where the story line ends"

When I met him I knew he was something different. I noticed the way he could light up the room instantly. I never used to believe in "first sight", but now I do. I knew the minute I met him I wanted something, I wasn't exactly sure as to what but I knew to hold on as tight as I could. Slowly we were becoming closer and closer and I couldn't stop my feelings.

I used to be the first one to bash relationships. "They are a waste of time, a death sentence, and way too much effort for something that most likely won't last" --that was my argument and trust me I have countless examples of experience to back that all up. He opened my eyes up to something I have never felt before.

For the first time ever I was refusing to run from this. In the back of my mind I kept saying 'run as fast as you can' but I kept pushing it away. I knew I had something good and I would be a fool to give it up. So I stayed, I let myself get closer to him, I let myself fall for him. Since I was a little girl I have always dreamt of the perfect relationship, that one guy to sweep me off my feet in a way I couldn't even grasp. After heartbreak upon heartbreaks I gave up that fantasy. I became cynical and single with no interest in changing. But there he was with his amazing smile and dark eyes, just like that I was gone. I was laughing again, I was enjoying the love songs and the thought of finding that certain someone. He turned my entire world upside down.

"The way you smile around him, it's different than any smile we've seen before"

I finally found what I have been searching for since I knew of fairy tale endings. The funniest part of this all is I found him when I wasn't looking for him. We were talking about this earlier and he said some pretty valid things. Him and I both were not in search of a relationship or even had a desire of having one. We both were content with the life we had, we refused to settle for anything less than we wanted. The perfect relationship to me is what I have with him. I have loved, been in love, and lusted a lot of people but with him everything is just entirely different. When I say he is absolutely perfect to me I'm not exaggerating; I adore him.

Past relationships consisted of two types of people with only 1 exception.

Either I was dating a total asshole or I found those guys that would say "I love you" in 1 week and ask for my hand in marriage the next. I have no idea where I found the second bunch but they came around more often than I preferred. This is where he is so different. He is never mean to me, but he doesn't baby me either. He puts me in my place when needed and I know I will always get an honest answer from him, whether I like it or not. He isn't so nice that I wonder where his balls are and get so sick and bored and leave him. He cares about me, shows affection, and has proved that he will always protect me. I never knew the feeling of security when it came to males until I met him.

So when I swore to myself that I would never get into a relationship where getting hurt was an option; I didn't lie. He is so genuine, he tells me all the time how lucky he thinks he is to have found me and how happy I make him, I don't see him ever hurting me. I am so lucky to call him my boyfriend. I waved goodbye to my past relationships and I looked forward to the pages upon pages of happy endings. I shut that book of misery for good this time. No longer cynical and no longer single, and I would never change that for anything. I said before I needed an adventure and I think this is it. I found someone who will take me to an entirely new place, help me discover things I never thought I would. I found someone who is flawless and something that is effortless.

"This night is sparkling, don't you let it go"

Dream Come True Birthday

Happy Birthday To Me!

In Revolution Rock Bar

Amanda.Me.Megan.Brooke

My best friends

I cannot believe I am 21 years old. Time has definitely flown by and I am finding myself concerned with the future more than ever. As you've read before things have and keep on changing for me, for the good of course. I have found out who my true friends are, what I want and deserve out of life and the importance of this all. But for this one night I didn't have to worry. It was spent with my closest friends through out all the years dancing and taking pictures and a bottle of Stoli Citron {not my first choice, Im a whiskey girl} among other drinks. The people who attended my party proved a lot to me. The one thing that really made my birthday special was my best friend from when I was in Kindergarden until about 5th grade came to my party. We hadn't seen each other in about 10 years but it felt like only a few months... we picked up right where we left off. I was so happy I got to spend such an important and special birthday with the one person I spent my entire childhood with and knows a whole part of my life others don't. Looking at the pictures I realized I had a best friend from each part of my life there. One from childhood, another from high school and the other from college. I consider myself one lucky girl to be able to share my birthday with all three of them. Over all I am so happy and pleased with my birthday. I came away with a fun night, a boyfriend {yes I am in just as much shock too, but this story is for another time!} I got the Coach Watch from my wish list, and memories... Yes I can remember most of my 21st and that was very important to me.

My Letter to You

Now we never have to wonder if we missed out on each other,

I could not be happier to have you in my life. For the first time ever I know what it's like to be treated with respect and care. I knew you were different the minute I met you. I'm so happy I didn't let you run when you were afraid and I know you're not going to let me run now. We didn't have the easiest start but we saw through everything and knew what was in front of us. Every day I spend with you I fall harder. You understand me, you understand I have a past I am not proud of but have a future that is bright. Everyday you remind me that the sky is the limit and I see my better self in your eyes. I don't know what took you so long to find me but I would go through my past a million times if it still meant you were there in the end. I have never smiled or laughed so much in my life. You are everything I have ever wanted and so much more. You have shown me that I am what you want and no one can come between this. We're absolutely perfect for each other. You may be the only one that can handle me and that alone says a lot. You don't try and change me, you like me for me. Everyday you shower me with compliments and tell me how proud you are of my accomplishments. Everyone in my life adores you and knows you're the best thing to happen to me. You make me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. I adore your smile, your integrity, your laugh, your morals, your sense of humor. For the first time ever I have someone who's incredible and cares about me just as much as I care for them.

My wall is down, my guard is over and done with. You are what I needed to finally let everything from the past go. My new life is filled with possibilities and with you by my side I'll be unstoppable. You showed me the person I am supposed to be is the girl I am when Im with you. The past in a distant memory and you're all that's in focus

Love Me

Life as a Single Girl, But Not a Cynic

Oh my how things have drastically changed within a year in a half...

As some of you may know I am writing a memoir about my past and the title will be Cynical and Single. If you didn't know this before, well you do now. For majority of my life I was petrified {no exaggeration} of being alone. I always had a boyfriend and a guy on the side to catch me when the relationship wasn't working. I was insecure, an emotional wreck, and extremely dependent on others. One day, and I can remember it like it was yesterday I was suddenly alone. The break up was straight out of a movie scene. He lied, we fought, I ended it, he moved 2 hours away the next day. Just like that my world changed. I thought it was the end of all happiness and my utter existence. I only knew my 'half-self', the thought of my life without him was unbearable. fast forward through all the drinking, the rebounds, and the depression and you will find a completely different and new girl today. I ended my old blog 'Little Bits' because that was the old me. I started 'Always Choose Paris' to reflect on my new life, the one I would hold onto.

As my birthday is approaching {3 days!} I couldn't help but think back to a year ago and who I was. A miserable girl who hated everything, everyone, and herself. I pushed away the world and I didn't care. There is no other way to explain except I was grieving over a loss and didn't think I would move on from it. It took a long time and a lot of struggles and bumps but I woke up one day and I was okay. I stopped caring that I lost my other half and focused on the positive. I had the chance to create a new life and the other half to my whole self. I have said this before and I will say it again. As much as I loved him I am so happy we broke up. I needed to find myself, explore what else was out there, have an adventure. I slowly started to rid myself of pessimism and find comfort in optimism.

The happy and optimist me is the single girl. It is so liberating to be able to concentrate on myself. I finally have time and desire to do things that make me smile. I know who I am and I will always hold onto that. Although I have someone who makes me extremely happy, giving up my single life is just as freighting as being alone used to be. Irony at it's finest. I am no longer a cynic to love, but a dreamer in the possibilities.

Am I emotionally ready to give up my independence and free will? When do we decide that the life we worked so hard to get to is sacrificed in some aspects to be happy with another. Is it worth the risk of perhaps taking ten steps back?

You Make Me Smile

She finally found what she thought was impossible to find. He came into her life unexpectedly. When they first met she had no idea how close they would become. It started off rocky but for some reason she saw through it. This reason was because some people are just meant to be in each others life. He lets her be herself, he doesn't care about her past, he makes her smile and for the first time in a long time it was a real smile. They are so much alike and so different at the same time; a perfect balance. They both knew how important it was to take time in this because it was something worth waiting for, something worth taking time for. Having a relationship used to be a distant thought to her, but now she catches herself every once in a while imagining what it'd be like to be close again to not just someone but him; and she smiles every time. He wasn't the easiest person to get close to at first but something changed in him, something that would bring them closer together. He let down a part of his wall and showed her that he did truly care about her and wants to be the guy she deserved. He has enough awareness of her past that he knows that although he makes her extremely happy, she is still damaged. But he wants to stick around and be there for her when she needs him. He has become a good feeling, she feels extremely lucky to have found him. For the first time ever she isn't going to run, she'll stand still and be grateful that she found and met someone special.

you make me a very happy girl

Have you met someone you can stand still with? Some one who makes you realize what you truly deserve. What are the little things they do to make you smile?

When we find this person do we hold on and hope for the best, or do we find ourselves dwelling on the 'what ifs'? Could this just be the honeymoon stage and we're just setting ourselves up for another break-up, another let down? What if it's too good to be true? Do we act on this insecurity and walk away?

Standing Still For a Minute

I feel like it's been forever since I got to sit down, enjoy a latte and write a post about relationships. I think it's because lately I haven't really cared much about them. I've been taking my life day by day. This is a HUGE change for me. I never used to worry/think about the present I was more bothered by the past and fretting about the future. Since I have been extremely busy I haven't even had time to think about anything except for that particular day. But out of no where something I thought would only happen in my wildest dreams came along. Some may know what I am talking about and others may have absolutely no idea. But this "thing" has taught me so much in the past few weeks. I have no other choice than to be confident in myself to accept the lifestyle of another. I need to accept the conditions and the things that may come along. For some reason this time I don't think about the other girls, I only think about myself and what matters to him.

I thought I knew what I was walking into the minute I walked into his place, but I honestly had no idea. This is a completely different thing for me and I am somewhat still in a little bit of shock. Im waiting to wake up from this dream, for someone to pinch me and tell me it isn't real...but it is and thats the crazy part. Walking into this though I didn't remember my number one rule, don't even bother if the chances of getting hurt are high. The night I stepped through that door way was the minute I let down every wall and guard I had up. I have officially put myself in the most vulnerable situation ever. I know the chances of getting hurt are 95% there but I still took that step. Do I regret it? No.. but I do get nervous sometimes. I keep reminding myself that I'm young and just having fun. I have no commitments and I wouldn't want it any other way. I don't plan on having a boyfriend any time soon, Im just not in that mind set anymore. I used to always have an answer for everything. People ask me "do you think you'll fall for him?" and for the first time I really have no idea. I just take it day by day because thats the only option. But I have to be confident in myself enough to realize there is a past there and I can't care about it. But what I do know about this is I deserve something great.

"I've been through the revolving doors. I feel like I've met somebody I can stand still with for a minute."