I feel like it's been forever since I got to sit down, enjoy a latte and write a post about relationships. I think it's because lately I haven't really cared much about them. I've been taking my life day by day. This is a HUGE change for me. I never used to worry/think about the present I was more bothered by the past and fretting about the future. Since I have been extremely busy I haven't even had time to think about anything except for that particular day. But out of no where something I thought would only happen in my wildest dreams came along. Some may know what I am talking about and others may have absolutely no idea. But this "thing" has taught me so much in the past few weeks. I have no other choice than to be confident in myself to accept the lifestyle of another. I need to accept the conditions and the things that may come along. For some reason this time I don't think about the other girls, I only think about myself and what matters to him.
I thought I knew what I was walking into the minute I walked into his place, but I honestly had no idea. This is a completely different thing for me and I am somewhat still in a little bit of shock. Im waiting to wake up from this dream, for someone to pinch me and tell me it isn't real...but it is and thats the crazy part. Walking into this though I didn't remember my number one rule, don't even bother if the chances of getting hurt are high. The night I stepped through that door way was the minute I let down every wall and guard I had up. I have officially put myself in the most vulnerable situation ever. I know the chances of getting hurt are 95% there but I still took that step. Do I regret it? No.. but I do get nervous sometimes. I keep reminding myself that I'm young and just having fun. I have no commitments and I wouldn't want it any other way. I don't plan on having a boyfriend any time soon, Im just not in that mind set anymore. I used to always have an answer for everything. People ask me "do you think you'll fall for him?" and for the first time I really have no idea. I just take it day by day because thats the only option. But I have to be confident in myself enough to realize there is a past there and I can't care about it. But what I do know about this is I deserve something great.
"I've been through the revolving doors. I feel like I've met somebody I can stand still with for a minute."