You're Scared To Find Out That You're Alone

I woke up in fear that maybe I will never find someone. But I quickly reminded myself that I am only 20 years old and I really haven't been single that long to be worrying about this. But at this point every guy has been the same and just when I think they are sincere I am proved wrong. Is every guy like this? Only wanting the physical and not the emotional? I literally am in fear of this and I don't really understand why. Maybe it has to do with my father not being involved in my life for 15 years, or maybe it is the past relationships and the boys I keep running into now. But I know there is a void that majority of the time I want to fill. My dad came back in my life right when my boyfriend {now ex} left it. So I thought maybe I'll be okay because that figure was back in my life. But I keep finding myself missing that one person. On the other side of things I know that I am no where near ready for a relationship, not a serious one at least. School has become my first priority and I am fully aware that the career I am pursuing will take over my life for a long time. I will eat breathe and sleep sports news broadcasting until I get to where I want to be and that will never change. And I know deep down that there are good guys out there. Two of my closest guy friends are amazing people. They are caring and actually do care about more than one thing at this young age. Dereck and Herbie do show me that when I am convinced I will never ever find a nice guy, that I am wrong and they are out there somewhere..hiding.

I had a customer that was so intrigued with my future plans and asked me who the lucky guy is? I told him I havent found him yet but I am pretty young so I don't think I will for quite some time. He said that was the answer he was hoping to hear because putting a boy in my life is putting a limit on my dreams. Sadly, he is correct.