Left To Save

Was there anything really left to save? Or did that feeling of 'this is everything you have wanted and needed' prove that it was worth the fight. That was what she needed to fathom. But first she needed to talk to him about it. Was there even the slightest chance? How were they on such different pages? All she wanted to do was fight for him. Everything in her told her he is something you fight for, but she had no choice other than to push it aside. He contributed little to nothing when it came to communication, and for any type of relationship, that was everything. As you can tell he controlled every ounce of this relationship. She was there to just be his basic puppet. Just the same, how did he have so much control? He didn't have to do much to get it because she handed it to him. She would do anything just to keep him around because in her heart she knew she was in love.

It was time though to take a step back, put her feelings aside and look at the situation. Was there anything there to save? Or was this all farcical. Did he want something out of this eventually.. or was she just there to comfort for the past few years. Would her dream of being with him come true?....

Team LC

Since day one of Laguna Beach and onto The Hills I have been on "Team LC" I think that everything she has done and how she has grown is incredible. She created a great role model for all ages... Strolling through Khols I noticed Lauren's brand had this little rack. I immediately grabbed the sequenced vest and army green romper. I love this outfit, everything about it is so comfortable and cute. You can dress it up and down.

But Don't Forget to Remember Me..

She put so much time and effort into so many things that now no longer exist in her life. For some people that wouldn't really bother them.. but it really bothered her. She was different than others. She was constantly thinking about EVERYTHING. I guess all she really wanted was to be remembered. She wanted to know that although those things or people aren't a part of her life now, she still made an impact or a difference. She hoped she showed that one boy what it felt like to be truly loved, she hoped that those little girls knew to always keep their heads up and stay true to themselves, and she hoped that her first love always kept her on that pedestal like he promised. But now it was time to make a difference in her own life. It was time for her to show herself what it felt like to be loved, to learn how to always keep her own head up, and know that although he will always be different in her mind and he will always be on that pedestal, it was time to let go.

Just don't forget to remember me.

When I Look At You, I See Something I Know And Love

Family has become everything to me. My vacation to Canada could not have come at a more perfect time. I was starting to lose sight of what I was doing with my life. Money had become a huge issue for me and I'm struggling just to pay for college let alone trying to live life as a 20 year old. I got in a car at 2:00 am and set out for Nova Scotia with my cousin. When I got there I felt an instant change. I could breathe, I could take a deeper look around at things. I found a new appreciation for my family and myself. I knew I had a lot to work on and I truly think that Mabou Cape Breton brought me to a better place in my life. I had so much alone time where I could just relax. I had time to read and write and draw. I got to develop a stronger relationship with a part of my family that has always been there for me. It was a vacation where no cell phone or computer could be used and I think thats what I liked most about it. People there are so much more accepting and have great hospitality. I spent my time dancing in the kitchen, playing with my beautiful baby cousin, finding Nova Scotia's hidden treasures and playing wiffle ball. I would never trade in that trip.. it really just changed me as a person. It made me realize I need to concentrate more on myself. I have so much love and emotion for so many things, except myself. I can only change what I have control over and that is what I need to focus on. If I had my parents sister and dog up there I probably would have never left. Mabou you have a piece of my heart

Right Page: Wrong Turn

As she was moving onto the first chapter of the next book, she found herself running into the same problems. The guy that should be a distant thought was still a constant. This is where she starts to get confused because in everyone's eyes except her own, they were nothing besides a hookup...that conveniently lasted for almost two years. The minute her life seemed to be taking a turn for the worst she missed him. She missed the comfort he brought into her life. How is she supposed to keep moving forward if her heart and mind both keep bringing her back to the past? He isn't good for her and she knows this, but still she wants him back. The plan for this chapter in her life was set... focus solely on yourself. It was time she started to please herself before others. But another wrong turn appeared in the road. She should of seen the sign from miles away but she decided that maybe she'd give him a chance, see if maybe with her he was different. He played the game very well.. sweet talking and always willing to show her a good time. But they were all empty. The first time should have been the last time but she wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. He was merely nothing but it still upset her that he'd take the time to make plans and then simply never follow through with them. Minuscule bump but it still baffled her.

To remain on the right page and right path she had to realize that guys aren't the best thing for her at all right now. She hasn't let the last guy go and is really trying to make a life for herself. It may take some time, but you know she'll figure it out.. she always does.

Girl Don't You Lose Your Heart Yet.

When an old love dies we try so hard to find a new one, also known as a rebound. To get over a relationship that once, was our entire world we search for something or someone to fill the void. It isn't anyone's fault, there is no blame.. its just human. Here's the thing that you are blind to until you step back. Your entire life revolved around them right? So now you don't know anything without them right?---

Well WRONG. You are someone without them. You actually are this amazing independent strong willed person without them. You just didn't know it until you were left standing alone on a one way street. When a relationship ends you need to step back. Yes you are hurt and yes you are alone. But being alone isn't a bad thing. I know I know, but you're petrified of even the thought.. I was too. I was so afraid of being alone. I spent every minute thinking of that one person, always in constant contact. Every weekend was dedicated to a 3 hour bus ride to and from his college. My ENTIRE life was one person. I never knew who I was until I broke free from that relationship. I jumped into relationship after relationship just to feel something, but I felt nothing. I didn't know until a year later that the only relationship I needed was the one with myself. Before you can give your heart to someone else you need to give it to yourself. You need to find out who you are so that person you fall in love with falls in love with the 'real' you. Not the mangled heart emotional train wreck barely has it together you. It may be hard but you need to stop all contact with that old relationship for minimum 3 months. You need to know who you are without them. I finally figured out who I am without him and I love me. I used to be this psychotic paranoid person because all I ever heard were lies and I was deceived majority of that time. Now I know who I can trust, what to look for in a guy and I know I deserve the world. But I see the end of that relationship as the best thing that ever happened to me. I know it sounds crazy to you right now because your heart is so bitter and you can't even get the motivation to get out of bed. But I promise there will come a day when you wake up and every question you had after the break up will be answered and you finally will achieve every dream you ever made for yourself. Just keep your head up gorgeous!

You Sure Left Your Mark

"It wasn't long enough together but it was long enough to last forever"

As you begin to analyze the story you realize along with strength she gained standards. It wasn't the five year relationship or the one that snuck in between that one..it was the last relationship she would have, the one that only lasted a few months. She found a man that had respect for not only himself but also for her. He proved that he was willing to stick by her and anything she was going through. It was no doubt they started at a difficult time, but maybe it wasn't the wrong time. You as the reader know that in her life everything happened for a reason because all the mess brought her to closure. Everyone in her life though knew he was different and told her how idiotic it was to break up with him. She was scared though and wasn't used to the ' I know you're having a bad day so I sent you your favorite flowers' or 'I'd rather spend every moment I have with you than anyone else', so she ran. She was never treated right, until him. He set a standard for her that would last a lifetime. He made her realize that a man can love her the way she always wanted. Letting someone know how you are upfront does make the worlds difference and he taught her that too. He told her that she had the capability to light up someone's world... and one day she will again. In time he made her realize everything she was capable of in every aspect.

So in the end she realized she could let men in, she just had to know the good from the bad... and it was the 'one who got away' that would teach her all of this. She'd be forever grateful because now she could move onto the second book.