Friday, November 12, 2010

Friend or Enemy?

Usually the question is can a girl be friends with her ex boyfriend, but I think the question is ' should a girl be friends with her ex boyfriend'

For me it really depends on the circumstances of it all. Each relationship had a different beginning, middle and ending. For some we had been best friends for years before we started dating and others we were strangers and then instantly a couple.

Each day I have a different answer for this. Some times I can set everything aside and be his friend and then other days all my thoughts are consumed with how the hell did it turn into this? I try and fix things but I have to keep reminding myself that this is permanently broken.. that those wounds are still open and I just simply cannot get over it. The cracks will always be there and just going back would make those walls and my somewhat found happiness crumble. Will I always care about him and love him? Sure, maybe, I don't know. But I do know that when I think about us I become upset but not in a way where I want to curl up in a ball and hide in my bed forever...instead I want to drive to him and try and understand because after 2 years of being apart I just simply don't understand. There has never been a closure between us so I guess until that is found there cannot be a friendship. How I plan on dealing with this is running. I will keep running from reminders and him until I can't remember him.

Taken from Flickr
So unless you are 100% over him, the relationship you once had, and the life you used to live you CANNOT AND SHOULD NOT be friends with him. Its a self form of torture. You're never going to be able to move on completely if he is involved in your life. You're just going to drive yourself crazy with thoughts of, why isn't he trying to talk to me? Has he found someone else? Does he think about me? Does he still love me?... All these things realistically should not matter but we're human so they do. I thought I could handle him being in my life again because I always said I'd rather have him in it than not but I find myself going backwards and not moving on. I have so much I want to say to him but in the end it will never change anything. Whats done is done and right now my heart is saying enemy.

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