Finding Myself

This past weekend I had the opportunity to attend a retreat with hundreds of other women. I had no clue what to expect going into it, but I was open to the idea. I did not expect to become a totally different person coming out of it. As you have all been reading, I have been on this emotional roller coaster. One day I feel like the luckiest girl in the world and others I feel as though I am being drag down to the bottomless sea by the anchor, also known as my past. I knew I needed something to help me swim up to the surface, but this weekend wasn't what I thought would get me there; thankfully I was wrong.

Through this retreat I got to learn a few things about life in general. I learned that I need to suck it up; plain and simple. Life isn't as bad as I can make it seem in my mind. I need to understand that something has happened and suck it up. So what if I get rejected, so what if someone says something about me behind my back, so what if I spill a hot, i mean hot cup of coffee on my new white blouse... SUCK IT UP.

As the night was progressing I got to hear other women's stories about struggle and how they overcame it. I was truly inspired. One thing that really stuck to me was when one woman said this... " What other people say about me behind my back is not my business, I cannot be bothered" I have never heard something so simple speak to me the way those words did. I'm young and I still care what people say about me, maybe not what people think, but the words definitely stick... but I can't be bothered anymore, it just is not worth it.

Being around negative people is never, I mean NEVER a good thing. It only brings you down and ruins your mentality. This is where my change comes in. My boyfriend always says that I put other people's happiness before mine and I need to change that. What I didn't realize is what he truly meant until I went to this retreat.... I like being around happy people so thats why i was always like that but now i just need to learn to balance ( balance is key) I used to believe that it was ok if I was negative but the minute someone else was, I would rid myself of them because I just "couldn't surround myself with that". I was a huge part of the reason I was so miserable. I was half of the negative energy and I didn't even realize it, but my boyfriend did. But being that amazing guy he is, he knew I'd figure it out eventually and when I finally understood it, he'd be there for a shoulder to lean on.

In personalities there is a thing called "D.I.S.C" I will get into this entire thing on another time... but I realized I am 75% D and 25% I. I am a CONTROL FREAK. I am dominantly focused. I love details and ask good questions. I over analyze everything, not joking.. I would over analyze my cereal in the morning if I thought it was needed. I have a high ego and a fear of being taken advantage of. I am constantly frustrated if something does no go my way. My eyes cannot keep a secret. As a 'D' and an 'I' the things I need to learn are that I need people. Relaxation is not a crime. some controls are needed, especially self control. Focus on finishing well, be a team player, quit being so stubborn. It's ok to trust others, as long as you realize not everyone will let you down. I need to learn better time management, to be humble and avoid pride.

To overcome a challenge you first need to take a look in the mirror. My past is small, and I can still see it once in a while, like a rear view mirror, but the future and the happiness is in front of me in the windshield. I know that its in the past and I've learned a lot from it. No one needs to know what happened then because it doesn't matter anymore. The bad days are still days and that is what I need to be grateful for. I was given the ability to wake up the next morning, to start with a positive attitude and set goals, that I will now follow through. Instead of giving everything little bits of love, I will prioritize... TIME MANAGEMENT.

I truly figured out a lot about myself and my life this past weekend and I could not be happier or more excited to remain on this path. So many times I would get off track, but not this time... I won't allow it.