Sunday, August 29, 2010

Why I Do This

So people ask constantly, why do you put so many personal things on the internet for everyone to see? Some days I have a justifiable answer and other days I want to delete this thing and stick to my journals where I can't be criticized.
But my answer is this... I was born to write. Since I was little I wrote in journals. I am the first to admit I am way too emotional for my own good. I have an opinion on everything and I could go on for days about how I feel. But I am also aware that some people are not comfortable with emotion so I try and keep it to myself as much as possible, hence my stacks upon stacks of journals. But I have a gift of passion and I express it through writing. I want to share my gift with the world. Whether I effect one person or millions, get published or just remain on this blog.
Although both of these amazing and beautiful women are no longer with me, they have so much to do with my writing and why I went public. If you knew my Aunt Ginny you would know she speaks her mind and does not care what anyone thinks. She may have been outspoken but she would do anything and everything for her family. She taught me at a young age to embrace what I feel and stick to my morals. Losing her was one of the hardest things I have ever endured, but her legacy of being honest especially with yourself, even when it may hurt, has lived on through not only me, but the entire family. And then there is my amazing and talented Aunt Christine. She was a journalist for the Hopkinton Times and my guru. She showed her dedication to writing everyday and I admired that. To have a writer in the family really pushed me to pursue the career. It was always my favorite topic to chat about at every family party. As prepared as we were for her passing, it didn't suppress the piece I would lose. Everyone in my family shares a different relationship with each individual. Our relationship had a lot to do with literature and the love for writing. So I continue to write as a form of appreciation.

Then there was my senior year of high school. Everything was changing, people were deciding where to go to school and what they wanted to pursue as a career. I was petrified of the thought of living away, but I did know what I wanted to get my degree in. I had an amazing journalism teacher that became more than that, she became a friend and confidant by the end. Julie Burke is her name and she is one of my biggest inspirations to my choice in journalism. Most of the time teachers don't open up to their students because it is considered 'unprofessional'. But the moment she opened up to my class, the environment was uplifting, you actually wanted to go to this class and do the homework. It is when people open up that we can develop an understanding and/or relationship.She helped me get into colleges I thought were out of my reach. She made numerous phone calls and helped me after school with not only my essays, but my financial aid and applications and personal problems. She really pushed the idea of me becoming a writer and told me to write everyday for at least an hour. She introduced me to some of the greatest writers of all time, such as Maya Angelou and Toni Morrison. The exposure to these pieces of writing opened my eyes to the possibilities.
And then there are the miscellaneous influences. Writers such as Elizabeth Wurtzel, Elizabeth Gilbert, Candace Bushnell, Joyce Carol Oates, Jodi Picoult. Movies such as Eat Pray Love, Breakfast at Tiffany's, The Color Purple, Erin Brokovich, Sex and The City 1, and Working Girl. And just driven women in general like Marilyn Monroe, Audrey Hepburn, Lauren Conrad, Jillian Michaels and Chelsea Handler
Quotes and music lyrics about life, love, and adventure are my weakness. I really could go on forever on the things that inspire me.

But ultimately it is the things I experience personally that are the biggest impact. Since I can remember I have wanted to write a memoir. Most people have a pre determined opinion of me, but they don't know anything about me. I want to show you that I have a story, just like you do. Everyone has the right to be heard, and I for one want to be. With putting myself out there, I make the possibilities of criticism greater and I understand that. Some people are going to love this and some people are going to love to hate it, that is just the way life goes. But just because some people have a negative opinion on my writing doesn't mean Im going to change it. I give any and every writer out there credit for putting themselves in front of a target, to open up to people whether they are worthy of your words or not. I do all this because it is what I love. I want to write about falling in and out of love, I want to write about significant experiences all in hopes that you can relate. I live and breathe writing. Positive or negative opinions on what I write, you still sat there and read it. So in the end I achieved what I wanted, to be heard and have an impact on your life. I have my own style of writing and I enjoy it fully. But I have learned to never say something that you are not fully prepared to be thrown back in your face when someone gets mad at you. So now you all know why I do this. The power I find reading my own words is irreplaceable.

"It has never been easy for me to understand why people work so hard to create something beautiful, but then refuse to share it with anyone, for fear of criticism. Wasn’t that the point of the creation – to communicate something to the world? So put it out there. "

1 comment:

dereck said...

i had the same kind of teacher through highschool. ms malloy got me to college and i always stayed after with her to work on papers and talk about life and what i should do further on down the line. It's always good to have someone like that to give you a boost.