Sunday, August 29, 2010

Indifferent

"He is no longer a part of my life, but I wish him well in his."

As I grow up I try and take lessons from every experience I encounter. I feel as though every person that comes in my life, minuscule or prodigious is there to teach me something. For most of these cases I have recognized their arcane messages, but do I ever really take them for what they are worth?

What I need to realize is I can't fix everything. I have this problem where I don't want people who were once so involved in my life to leave. So to keep them happy and around I sacrifice my feelings. I push aside every bit of sadness and hurt they cause me just so I don't have to deal with change. But change is a constant and I cannot stop it. When someone hurts us, we want them to care. We want them to see the anguish they have caused and regret it. Chances are though that they never cared about you or your feelings. They made conscious decision that would effect you negatively. You cannot not change it, you cannot take back his actions, and you cannot excuse them. You just accept that it happened and that he isn't the person you fell for. You may have seen the best in him, but maybe that isn't who he wants to be and ultimately that is his choice.

So lets set up a scenario here: What if you didn't set aside your feelings and confronted him on his actions... would he stick around? --No.

This is a lesson that really needs to be taken. When someone realizes that they can treat you horribly and still have you around, they aren't going to change their ways. It's human, they realize that you accommodate their wants and needs regardless of how they treat you. I need to understand it and walk away. Don't be bitter, be indifferent.
The lesson I got from him was that actions speak louder than words. He kept me around for so long because he said what I wanted to hear, not what he felt. People have to keep proving themselves more before I let them get close. Otherwise this feeling of emptiness and discourage is going to become all too familiar.




1 comment:

dereck said...

you speak the truth kid, been there before.