Im Sorry

I decided today I really hate those two words, " I'm Sorry". I have been hearing it way too often and from the same people. Perhaps Im being a raging cynic but why do people continue to do things that ultimately they need to apologize for. When do we as the person they are hurting decide that enoughs enough and the sorry's have lost their meaning. I used to have so much light in my life and innocence, now Im consumed with paranoia and a cold heart. I am waiting for those people who keep saying sorry to make a move that will in the end ruin me forever. One person in particular I have given up on... I think I have been hearing sorry from him since he has been in my life. Suddenly I came to the realization that he doesn't mean it. He isn't sorry for destroying my life, my dreams, my innocence because he walked away clean and free of a girl who once loved him (trust me I don't love you anymore) and then theres the sorry that I've been hearing since this summer. Its little things here and there but at the end of the day Im too damaged to take even the slightest bit of hurt. I thought he understood that part of me, but I was severely mistaken. I just keep giving all these people chance after chance just to be let down, just to hear "Im sorry" and I genuinely don't believe people anymore. Every time I hear those familiar and trivial words they continue to lose their meaning. 'The question, how does a girl who jumps into a rabbit hole plumenting into chaos come out unchanged.. the answer- she doesn't. She lost all sense of sincerity and honesty because she was lied to, too many times. So for now the emptiness she is feeling appears much more safe than putting herself out there. Because perhaps if she continues to reach out to people that are only going to say sorry to her she will become just like her outlook on faith...nothing.