Friday, October 22, 2010

Back and Forth

Surprised? No
Angry? Yes

You put all your feelings aside and tried to focus on the good of that person. You finally were able to forgive them, just to be smacked in the face again with reality. Reality is they will never be the person you created in your mind. No matter how hard you try and see that "good", it will never be there because its wishful thinking. They know you like the back of their hand so when they want you to believe that you were someone they loved and cared about no matter what, you believed them all because they say the right thing. You swallowed your pride, took every dirty look, every snide remark from everyone just to forgive them. Looking back on it now I don't really understand why he deserved that forgiveness. He never really begged for it like he should have. He threw away a friendship, a first love and it was too late when he figured out what he'd done. But now that I have realized he doesn't belong in this part of my life I need to say goodbye. I forgave myself for my actions but perhaps after clarity and realization how I could of been treated and should have been treated, it's time to say goodbye completely and forget his existence.

I am no longer bitter or sad to see this person leave my life; I'm indifferent. He doesn't deserve anything from me and he can pretend all he wants that I am important to him but this time I wont fall for it.

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