Saturday, April 23, 2011

Im Busy Getting Stronger

Believe it or not I felt for you stronger than the one of seven years... but that was almost a year ago and now Im busy... Im busy getting stronger, Im busy making my dreams come true, Im busy deciding what I want out of this life, Im busy writing, creating new friendships, and finding adventure, Im too busy falling in love with the man that deserved it in the first place. When I saw your number come up on my phone I was hesitant to answer because I was afraid of what the sound of your voice could do to the life I created without you. I had wanted you a part of my life and my dreams for so long, even after you made it clear my ambition and goals were a simple joke in your mind. You pretended it was just a simple hello, a "I had a dream about you so I figured I would call and see what you're doing". I wanted to scream. I wanted to tell him that he has ruined me enough and to just leave me alone. { but in the end you only ruined yourself } In an instant I was ready for a nervous break down, all because of a boy. What does he want me to say? He moved on from the convoluted relationship we built for two years. "come over" he says. "Im sorry but I cannot do that" I said "But I want to show you my new place, I want to show you everything I've done" he pleads.

Where was he when I wanted to show him everything that I had done, where was he when I was breaking down and feeling the stinging pain of losing a one way street love. I was sitting night after night missing him, wondering what he's doing if he was thinking of me, wondering too if we could have worked it out. But that was before I met the man of my dreams.

"Im busy I have to go" I say. But what he doesn't know nor does he deserve to know is Im getting by perfectly without him. All my dreams were not giggles at anyone expense. I am better off without him and he's the one now calling at his weak moments; not me. I am building up my career, moving to an amazing place and making myself a little more stronger, Im not crying over lost loves or friendships, going to an amazing college where I need to be. I know who I am, all he knows is drinking and breaking any girls heart that comes in contact with him. Im busy, you're an absolute last thought in my days. I don't cry about you anymore, I don't wish or hope we could have worked it out as friends or a relationship. Im a better person because you are no longer in my life.

He will never change and my heart will never be the same because of him, but now I know thats not a bad thing. Ill be okay because on my weakest day I have my other half, my best friend, my future husband who smiles at my dreams, at my progress, he doesn't drag my heart around like you did.

Im busy getting stronger.


Omgitstiffduh said...

Your posts always touch my heart! I am so glad you are stronger and found a man that you love and loves you back!

Diana Mieczan said...

That is so good to hear...I love this post and that almost last line made me so happy for you. Aww..darling!!! Yahoo to getting stronger! Muah, sunshine

Elle Sees said...

ooh i wouldn't have answered, but i know you need closure.

dani said...

Elle- I almost didn't answer, but I am happy I did. His voice and his empty conversations made me realize that this would be the last time I ever hear his voice if I have anything to do about it. I left all wonder about him when I hung up the phone and now I am grateful. But you're right, the next time he calls {which I am sure there will be} I won't have any desire, or curiosity to answer. He can become familiar with my voicemail.

Michelle's Style File said...

Great post- time to focus on you : )


Jeannee said...

Love this post! Oh yes I do get all the points and there are certainly people that I would love to send this to - hmmm - I'll post it to my FB page!