I guess it was one thing to write that last letter and then to actually see him. The whole idea that everything was horrible and I HAD to say good bye was becoming a puerile idea. I know him like the back of my hand, I know when he's up and I know when he's down. It was more than obvious that where he was in life was not where he belonged. From day one he has always had two people that have been his number 1 fans, his mother and myself. I have the greatest hopes and expectations for him that I know myself he can accomplish. I keep an eye on him from a distance now, making sure that it doesn't spin too out of control. There are just some people in this world we cannot allow to hit rock bottom and I guess he is that person for me. Little did I know that I'm that person for him too. He keeps his distance because he sees how far I've come without him but he's prepared to catch me if I ever fall. It was so bizarre to know we always just pick up where we left off before it was broken. It was as if the break up just didn't occur and neither did the intense relationship. I imagine it as if we are still sitting by the pond in that town and we are talking about what we want to do with our lives. How we want so much out of life, move to california or new york and make something out of ourselves. Last night...all I can call it was an outer body experience. The entire time we were talking I was picturing us at that pond and then in that meadow we found by the side of the road. Maybe thats where we belonged now... in this pipe dream of the past's most significant moments, where it was only happiness and ambition, a place where dying in his arms seemed a little too comforting.